Benjamin’s Story
He came in on April Fool’s Day: a cheerful little boy on arrival; soon to become a tearful, terrified child clutching a toy baseball, completely devastated. His name was Benjamin, and he was three years old.
The afternoon he arrived, one of the nannies brought him into the room where we were all playing games with the kids. He sat, clinging to his baseball, wailing. Our friend Marissa went to comfort him, but that frightened him even more. And so he sat, alone, for days. He would speak when adults spoke to him in Amharic, but other than that he was silent. He perched on a cement block in the yard for hours, watching the other kids and saying nothing.
I made him my project. His sadness was almost too much for me to bear, so I tried to be his friend. When he tried to ride the tricycle and the other kids wanted to push him, I went to comfort him as he screamed in fear. A friend and I sang him a song with his name in it, and he half-smiled. I caught him smiling when I played chase with the kids in the yard, but he stopped when he saw me looking. And then, one day, it happened. After about four days of silence, he held my hand. I was walking past with another boy and when I held out my hand to B., he took it. And the three of us stood, hands linked, without moving.
When we came back on Monday, he was a different kid. He was running circles around the yard, all by himself, waving his arms and screeching as though someone was chasing him. No one was. Suddenly, we thought he might be okay… He became my shadow from then on, and when he sat on my lap in class one day, ignoring the teacher and sticking his tongue out at me, I knew I was in trouble. I had vowed to my husband that we wouldn’t consider adopting any of the kids during our volunteering, but there was B., rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out and cracking himself up.
A week or so later, a few of the kids got sick with measles and pneumonia. I went into the quarantine room and lay on the floor with the kids, whispering to them that I loved them and holding their hands. They were all so sick and so alone, even surrounded by their friends and their loving caretakers. I lay next to B. and whispered in Amharic that I loved him. He coughed, and with tears running down his face, said ‘awadashalo.’ When I heard his raspy little voice say that he loved me, I let down my last guard.
We had gone to Ethiopia strictly to volunteer. We did not expect to fall so deeply in love with the children. We certainly did not expect to adopt one. But here we are, nearly seven months later, waiting to hear when we will be able to bring him to our home.
My time as an orphanage volunteer changed everything for me, and not just because I met my son there. I met dozens of other smart, sweet, funny kids who want nothing more than to have a family. I think of them every day and pray that they will find homes, because they deserve them more than anyone I have ever met.
Bea’s Story
I saw her as she helped my new daughter blow up a balloon. She was older than the other children, but only a little bit bigger. Her unbraided and unruly hair had a comb stuck in the top, clearly we had interrupted the nanny preparing to do her hair. It was apparent that she was a leader among the young children of AHOPE (an orphanage in Ethiopia caring for HIV+ children).
We returned the next day, this time with our new sons, two years old and four months. She stayed close by my side as I carried our new son in the sling. She gestured her offer and then took the diaper bag from my arms, promptly placing it on her shoulders. As we played with the little ones, she stayed close and was eager to help when it was time for the baby’s diaper to be changed. Fascinated by the diaper wipes, she proceeded to give one to each child in the room, which they eagerly used to wipe their faces and hands. I learned that she was eight years old and had been at AHOPE since she was two. Her story was sad, as all the children’s are. I thought of all that a family could do for her and what a blessing she would be to them.
I came home determined to find a family for this sweet girl. When people asked about adopting a child with HIV, I always replied, “How about a nine year old girl?” I spoke of her endearing qualities, her sense of humor, her helpfulness; but despite my efforts, I could not find a family for her. Then six months later, in a moment of prayer, it became clear to me. I no longer needed to find a family. She already had one.
Eight months later we returned to AHOPE to meet Bea once again, this time as our daughter. She came into our arms full of trust and hope, and we have not looked back. At the age of ten she became a daughter and sister for the first time in her memory. There have been challenges in learning how to be a “family girl”, but the joys outweigh the frustrations and we have no regrets.
Adopting an older child is not for the faint of heart, but parenting is a courageous task in the easiest of circumstances. The joy of watching a child learn to trust and love is incredible.
We wouldn’t change a thing
My husband and I used to joke that we said we were “open to adopting” because it sounded nice. Sometimes adoption would come up in conversations, and we’d toy with the idea briefly. We’d said the words often – even to each other – but had never given any serious thought to the idea.
Back in 2006, we had two biological children who had both reached school age. We felt that we were entering the “golden years” – the time of parenting when much of the physical work of babies and toddlers was behind us and the teenage years were still off in the distance. We found ourselves actively seeking God and what He had for our family. We hadn’t reached a place of firm agreement – I wanted to serve overseas and my husband felt called to his job teaching in the city. Never did we guess that His answer to us would be to grow our family – and even further from our minds was the adoption of children with medical needs! When the idea came to us (after I took my son to see an African children’s choir that was visiting our city) we had decided within a month to move forward. It very quickly felt as though God was giving us direct answers to our prayers about His direction for our family – while meeting the desires of both of our hearts in ways we couldn’t have imagined before then. We decided to move forward and decided that we would pursue two children. Through circumstances, we ended up adopting our children a year apart and from two different countries.
We began our process to adopt a child from Liberia, and through the homestudy meetings realized that we were both open to adopting children with medical needs. It wasn’t something we had discussed seriously before that point, but when the issue was brought before us, we both felt that it was the direction we should pursue. We chose an agency that had a particular focus on children with medical needs and learned of our daughter through their waiting child list. We brought Lila, four years old at the time, home from Liberia in late 2006. Her medical needs became fairly consuming during her first months home. We spent quite a bit of time in the hospital and much, much more time learning to meet her needs at home. Through that time, I learned that handling the ins and outs of caring for a child with medical needs was something I felt equipped to do. Also having seen how very many children with medical needs wait for families while young children without medical needs find homes quickly solidified in my heart that our next adoption would be for a medical needs child as well.
We felt a bit shaky as we began to research HIV – it seemed that as we took steps closer to the possibility, inevitably we would hit a rough patch in our daughter’s treatment, and we would wonder if we were stepping into something that would rock our family in ways that we weren’t prepared for. But we continued to feel strongly that medical needs was our direction. So we began to pray that God would somehow show us the place where what we could offer, through our resources and abilities as parents and as a family, would meet the child with the greatest need. We knew we didn’t want to choose simply based on what would be “easiest” for our family. We wanted to specifically pursue a child who might not have other options based on their medical needs. This was certainly true of the children we were learning of who were living with HIV. So we continued to pray and research specifically with HIV in mind.
In early 2007, we were ready. We began our paperwork process again with a specific little boy in mind. Our son was living at an orphanage for HIV+ orphans in Ethiopia. He was four years old at the time and had spent over two years in orphanage care – at three different facilities. He was among the first children in Ethiopia to have access to ARV medication! Abush came home to us on Christmas Day of that year.
It is hard to believe, looking back, that while we were living our lives here and trying to find what God had for us, our two children were already waiting for us half a world away. It’s even harder to fathom that we could easily have “missed” them if we had been closed to their needs. They have brought incredible joy, life, and growth to our lives. There have certainly times that have challenged us as we have learned to meet their needs and to blend their lives into a family. But they are so, so worth the challenges and the learning. They deserve a mom and a dad who are willing to stretch and change in the ways that they need. There isn’t a thing we would change. Not a thing.
A Voice for the Fatherless
This interview of staff member, Angela Dormish, was originally posted on The Refuge blog.
Many of us might not know this, but may is national foster care awareness month. the statistics are staggering, the number of kids in the US and abroad that are without families. as we focus in on justice this month, we cannot ignore the plight of these kids who need our voices, our help, our love, our support. angela and marrty are new to the refuge community and are passionate about orphan care & social justice. we asked angela to share from her heart a little of their journey to take a step of faith and adopt two HIV positive children from ethiopia. you can read more at their blog.
listen in..
as part of our justice series this month we are focusing in on various issues & raising awareness of certain groups who are marginalized, under-represented, oppressed. you are passionate about orphan care. where did that stirring come from?
Well, it didn’t come from me. I can’t take the credit. 
It really was the Spirit of God at work in my heart.The book in the Bible that I go back to most often is the book of James. Over the last 15 years I have read and reread it. One fall day in 07, I decided to read it again. (You see, I struggle with saying things I shouldn’t and the book of James gives some good encouragement in that area! That is why it is my go-to book!) This time, I didn’t make it to that passage in Chapter 3. I couldn’t get passed vs. 27 of Chapter 1!!
“Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God is to take care of widows and orphans in their distress, and not to be corrupted by the world”.
God spoke directly to my heart as I read that verse. I knew that it was Him who stopped me from reading. I can’t explain it, but I knew that He wanted me to do something about the current orphan crisis. At that time I thought my husband wouldn’t be open to more than the 2 children we already had, and I hadn’t really seriously considered adoption before…. I told the Lord that I would do anything He asked of me…but pleaded for Him to please tell Marrty so I didn’t have to! What I didn’t know then was that God was already at work in Marrty’s heart as well. A few weeks later Marrty came to me (without me saying anything about my secret prayers) and asked me to listen to some podcasts…on adoption!! Less than a year later we were in Ethiopia, holding our 2 youngest children.
as you’ve been researching, listening, learning more about this issue, what are some things that stand out that most people don’t know about the plight of orphans domestically and abroad?
I think what continues to burden my heart is that there are so many children, both here in the U.S. and abroad that need parents. They are just little kids, who want a mommy and daddy to read to them and tuck them in at night. I recently attended the Summit Orphan Care conference in Dallas, TX. During the conference someone spoke who had grown up in foster care… They spoke about how they didn’t care if their mom was black or white or purple…old or young or in between… they just wanted a mom to love them. Any size or shape would do. It breaks my heart that even here in the U.S. where we have every resource readily available to us, still there are kids in desperate need.
Overseas, the kids are the same. They just want to belong to someone. I think one thing that struck me is that it is the LUCKY ones who make it into orphanages…for every one child in an orphanage there are numerous more out there who are fending for themselves…alone, and without hope. They are in need of good nutrition, clean water, medication…and love.
There are children out there….young children…who have lost parents due to poverty, or the HIV crisis and are now the heads of their houshold. They are trying to survive, and often have to resort to selling their bodies for a loaf of bread to feed themselves and their younger siblings. They are getting HIV in the process of trying to survive. Who will speak for them? Who will give them voice? Who will stand with them, and love them?
How did you decide to adopt 2 kids who are HIV+?
After Marrty and I decided to adopt from Ethiopia, I began to read a lot of adoption blogs. One day I came across a blog of a mom with 10 kids. Her youngest was from Ethiopia and she was in process to go back for number 11, also from Ethiopia. These kids were really really adorable and I fell for their sweet smiles and spunk. One day she wrote about the fact that her youngest daughter had HIV. I was shocked. “What?!?” I thought. “How could this be?! I mean…she is chubby, and healthy, and full of life!! Shouldn’t she be sick looking? And…I didn’t even know it was legal to adopt a kid with HIV…. Isn’t she worried about her other 9 kids getting it?!” I had a million questions and I immediately wrote her and began asking her questions about HIV and the possibility of adopting a child with HIV.
She graciously wrote me back, and answered my questions, and even put me in touch with a few other moms who had adopted kids with HIV. The more I learned, the less scary it seemed. In fact, the more I learned, the more I felt I had no reason NOT to adopt a kid with HIV. Afterall, there were people lining up and waiting for healthy infants and toddlers while these kids with HIV were standing in line for parents. It didn’t make sense to me. Why would someone not want to step up for these kiddos. HIV, I learned, is a chronic but manageable disease in the U.S. The treatment is even better than the treatments available for diabetes or rheumatioid arthritis. I knew God was speaking again. When Marrty got home that afternoon I asked him “Would you consider adopting a kid with HIV?” to which he grunted a short “No.” “Okay” I said and left it at that. The very next day he walked in the door and said “I’m not saying ‘no’…” and we went forward from there.
What have some of the responses been, both negative and positive?
We have found that most people don’t really know a lot about HIV, but they are willing to be educated. We haven’t really had any negative responses yet, for which I am very very thankful. Most people are thrilled to hear how treatable the disease is now and how far medication has come in the last 10 years.
what scared you the most about taking this step?
Everyone will tell you that the stigma is worse than the disease, and I feared that. It turns out that for us, it hasn’t really been an issue. It was scary to step out in faith and tell our families and friends, but everyone has been a huge support.
what are you learning about God’s heart as you dig more deeply into issues of justice on orphan’s behalf?
He is the Father to the fatherless…
social justice is when those who have a voice, power, leadership use it on behalf of those who don’t. what does “giving voice to the voiceless” mean when it comes to orphans?
I think it means that we open our eyes wide (and our arms wider) to learn about their stories. That we do what we can to be informed about what is happening, and that we both advocate and act on their behalf. Children really don’t hold a lot of value in the world’s economy, but in God’s economy, they do. Lately, I’ve been spending time reading the first 4 books of the New Testament in the Bible: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and looking closely at the ‘red letters’ which were the words of Jesus. I want to live my life according to His teachings, and I think that as we follow the principles He lays out for us, then we will naturally be seeking out ways to give voice to the voiceless….
what are some small ways that people here, in broomfield, CO, can take a stand or work on behalf of justice for orphans?
I love many of Mother Teresa’s quotes. One that stands out to me, and I think about almost daily is “There are no great acts, only small acts done with great love.” I love this, because I feel like it empowers us to do something. We aren’t going to solve the world’s orphan crisis, until we solve global poverty…and even then, there would still be orphans. The problem is huge. It is estimated that there are more than 143 million orphans world wide. That can be paralyzing. So… What can we really do about it?
Something.
We all can do something. That will look different for different people. For us, it meant adopting 2 kids that happened to have HIV. For others, it will mean adopting one child, or for some, 10 kids or more! For some people it will mean giving sacrificially so that others can adopt (they can give directly to someones adoption agency, or have a fund-raising event to help bring a child home) It could mean that you decide to bring a foster child into your home, or that you provide respite care for an adoptive or foster parent. You could pray for and encourage your local foster care workers. Go to their office and ask them what their greatest needs are. You could sponsor an orphan overseas…pray for them…visit them. You could gather a small group of friends and sponsor an entire orphanage. It doesn’t end there, there is so much you could do… A friend of mine is in process of converting her basement into a rent free apartment for a homeless teenage mom and her child. Is she serving orphans? I think she is. She is reaching out to someone who is without a family… and becoming a family to them. My challenge would be that you would pray and ask God where He wants you to move. And how. And then, do it. Do whatever small act He calls you to. I’m confident, that He will have something to say to you, if you ask.
If you feel that you might have room in your heart and your family for a waiting child, please contact us at info@fromhivtohome.org!
